Like most Moms, I had a plan to how I would raise my son. And that of course started with breastfeeding. Breastfeeding made sense. I was breastfed, it was the best nutritional choice for my son, it would help me with losing my baby weight, it was cost effective, it was convenient. It was a no-brainer. As I prepared for my little bundle to arrive, I read everything there was to read about breastfeeding. I sat through a 3 hour class taught by a lactation consultant. All the information pointed to the same conclusion: Anyone can breastfeed.
Mason was born via emergency c-section however he was a healthy little boy right from the start. As soon I was wheeled into the Recovery Room, Mason was brought to me so we could start breastfeeding. Right from the get go, we had latching issues. The lactation consultant told me not to worry, sometimes c-section babies take longer to get the hang of it because they're so sleepy. Before long, I was taken to my room and Mason and I were reunited. We made sure everyone knew that we wanted to breastfeed so no one would try to give him a pacifier or bottle. Every hour to 2 hours, when Mason would awaken, we would attempt. I was patient and hopeful. I talked and sang to him to keep him awake (he would fall back asleep as soon as he latched), I tried every position imaginable... nothing worked. It was then suggested that I start pumping after every failed attempt and to feed Mason via syringe. I could only pump an ounce at the time but it worked! After a couple of days of this cycle and one scary moment of Mason becoming dehydrated, we said enough was enough, give him formula! I hadn't given up breastfeeding at this point but I was done with listening to the lactation consultant telling me "You will make enough milk for your son, it's the most natural thing a mother can do." All I knew was my son was hungry and I was going to feed him! We went home from the hospital, stocked with the "best of the best" breast pump (that's sort of a tongue twister) and enough formula to last us until Armageddon. After a couple weeks of what seemed like torture for my son, I finally threw in the hat for breastfeeding. I did not however give up on pumping! I had read time and time again about women who had exclusively pumped for up to a year and I was convinced I could do it too!
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| LIQUID GOLD!!! |
And so began my first frustrating and infuriating time as a Mom. In all my spare time (instead of getting some much needed daytime zzzzz's) I researched ways to boost milk supply. I sat in a steaming hot shower (in August mind you) trying to self express my milk. I sprinkled captain crunch in truckloads worth of oatmeal so I could choke down the horrible consistency. I drank water like a camel and made disgusting Fenugreek tea (which ended up giving me a 3 day migraine). I power pumped atleast twice a day which meant I would pump for 15 minutes every 10 minutes for a 2 hour time period. I would set my alarm so I could get an extra session in, in the middle of the night. The straw that broke the VERY TIRED camel's back was when I had my OB prescribe me Reglan. What was usually prescribed as a nausea medicine, has also shown to promote lactation. I could only be on it for a 2 week time period because any longer than that, I was at risk for anxiety and depression (just what a new mother needs!) It worked MARVELOUSLY (boosting my supply from 10 oz a day to 25 oz) however it left me feeling so sleepy, I felt like I couldn't even keep my eyes open during the day. I even had to call my husband home from work one day because I didn't feel safe taking care of our son. And then that broken straw appeared. The day after I finished my 2 week Reglan "experience", my milk supply dwindled to 2 oz! I was so upset! My husband told me enough was enough when I started researching Canadian alternatives to Reglan (that were not yet FDA approved).
When my son was 4 months old, I finally waved my white flag to pumping. Even though I knew in my heart that I had tried everything, I still felt like a failure as a Mom, woman and wife. Why did others have such an easy time with breastfeeding and I failed so miserably??? Besides sadness, the other feeling I felt was anger. I felt like my son and I were robbed of 4 months worth of bonding time because I was constantly obsessing about milk production. While he was contently napping on my chest, I was balancing my Netbook on the recliner, scanning through breastfeeding blogs. While he was playing under his activity gym, I was power pumping and comparing how many oz of milk I had produced that day versus the day before. I felt like I screwed up our first precious moments together as a little family because I could not calm my mind!
If I have another baby, I will in fact try to breastfeed again. And if that doesn't work, I will try to pump. But I will not kill myself over it if it doesn't work out. When we are walking through the grocery store, we don't look at the adorable baby in the next aisle and think "Awww, I'm sure he was breastfed!" Or when a kid trips and falls at the playground, your first thought isn't "Oh, I'm sure he was formula fed!" IT DOESN'T MATTER. All that matters is that they are a healthy, thriving child.
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| BREAST MILK: Does a body good! |
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| FORMULA: Does a body just as good! |
So to all the Moms out there that exclusively breastfeed: You rock!
To all the Moms who use formula: You're just as fabulous!
And to any Mom somewhere in the middle: Keep up the good work. We're all moms of the year!
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