A Very Octopus-ish Halloween!

I've never been a very crafty person. Don't get me wrong, I've tried. I have just never been that successful in my endeavors. Over the years I've dabbled in primitive painting, crochet, cross-stitch and scrap-booking. Nothing ever comes out like I think it should so my many unfinished projects usually end up tossed in a corner of my craft room (aka spare bedroom / office / official "junk drawer" of my home).

Even with all of my failed crafting adventures, I was determined to be the Mom that turned out fantastic homemade Halloween costumes! Let me just say, there is nothing wrong with store bought costumes (as an overwhelmed new Mom, I bought Mason's costume last year and it was adorable.) But there is something so rewarding in making something from scratch for my baby boy! (And of course the penny pincher part of me knew it would be a huge financial savings if I made it myself)  Knowing that I don't operate well under pressure (my poor husband has witnessed many of my stress-induced-tantrums over the years), I started combing Pinterest for ideas 11 weeks before Halloween. I wanted something warm, practical and topping the charts on the cuteness factor. And most importantly, I needed something that my domestically-challenged self could pull off! Along came the baby octopus.  Because seriously, what's cuter than a baby octopus? 

My consignment store find!

There were so many different ways to make this costume so after studying many blogs and patterns, I set off to my local children's consignment store. It was a bit difficult to find what I was looking for (seeing that it was the middle of August) but I finally found a fleece sleeper. This would be the base of the costume and the first 2 legs. The fantastic part of this find was it was only $2.50 and since I always have a rolling credit at this store from my own consignments, I walked away paying nothing.

I chose white, powder blue and navy t-shirts.

I cut 2 pieces of cloth in each color

Something inside of me clicked when I didn't have to pay for the sleeper. I started seeing this costume as a personal challenge to spend as little money as possible. So instead of hitting the fabric store next, I rummaged through my husband's old t-shirts and began cutting away. There was no real science to my measurements; I used the length and double the width (so I could fold the fabric in half) of a pair of Mason's pants and did a rough cutting job. I wasn't too worried about straight lines because octopus' tentacles aren't perfectly straight, right? After everything was cut, I folded the fabric (lengthwise) in half and pinned to keep everything together. Then I sewed up 2 of the remaining edges leaving 1 edge open to be stuffed.

My very imperfect stitching that no one can see!

Mission Mutilation of Pillow complete!

Once everything was sewn up, I turned it all inside out so all of my imperfect stitching was hidden (because truly, it was the most hideous sewing job you have ever seen!) I then slaughtered an unused pillow at my house (once again not spending a cent, woot woot) and used the stuffing to plump up the tentacles. Lastly, I stitched up the last end of each piece.

To make it easier to transport my baby octopus in the car, I made his back two tentacles detachable. (Can I get an AMEN for adhesive backed velcro?!?) The rest I sewed on. I then added some felt pieces and topped it off  with some googly eyes and I was finished! This took about 2 weeks' time to complete but mainly because I only worked on it during nap times... probably a good 10 hours of labor all together... and SO WORTH IT!

All done! (The two legs to the left, attach to his back)

Just a quick recap on the dough I shelled out to make this costume...
Sleeper: $0.00

Tenticles including stuffing: $0.00

Sewing supplies including velcro: $0.00 (Found it in my unused sewing basket!)

Felt and googly eyes: $3.00

Ya, that's right, I spent $3.00 on this costume! Pictures of my little guy in his costume to follow!

Dear 1-Year-Old Mason: Hooray For a Year of Firsts!

Dear 1-Year-Old Mason,

I am writing this love letter to you, as you sleep soundly only a few feet away. How can I explain the feelings that are swimming in my head? One year. How is it possible that one year of firsts have already flown by? One year of snuggles, smiles, kisses and tears. Your Daddy and I were there for every moment of your growth. No one else. It has been our biggest challenge but also our biggest accomplishment. Daddy gave your first (sponge) bath to you and changed your first diaper. Daddy was actually the champion of diaper changing as I was terrified to do it myself for your first two weeks! He never complained as some daddies do... he enjoyed every moment (even the poopy ones!) He is wonderful like that. He was awarded by getting to see you crawl and pull yourself up to a standing position for the first time! I was also blessed enough to experience my own handful of baby firsts. First smile and laugh. First time you sat up by yourself or stood up unassisted. I have never been more proud than when I watch you accomplish a new task! That's what was so great about your first year. Everything was new to you and everything was exciting for us to do with you!

First car ride! (What normally would have taken Mommy and Daddy 45 minutes to drive, this time, it took us close to an hour and a half. Everyone seemed to be driving far too "reckless" around our precious bundle that day!)

First Football Sunday!!!

First time eating carrots! Yum yum!

I should probably take this time and give you my apologies. In all of my excitement of your many firsts, I may have taken some "compromising photos" of you. Let me make it clear, that I am not sorry that I took them. (After all, it's only payback for all the sleepless nights you have given me!) But I am sorry for any embarrassment that I may cause you when these pictures resurface at your high school graduation party or when I meet your first serious girlfriend. Get used to it kid, I'm an out of control mama!

First Halloween!

First Election Day!

First Thanksgiving!

It's very surreal to have the first year behind us.  It seemed like just yesterday that I was inhaling your sweet baby smell as you slept on my chest for hours. Now, our snuggles have been shortened due to your constant need of motion but they are not any less sweet. You are the best thing that ever happened to your Daddy and I. When we found out you were a boy, your Daddy was OVER THE MOON. He wanted a boy so bad! Someone to take outside and get dirty with! I know if you had been a girl, he could have done all the same things with you but he had his HEAD SET on having a boy! And you are everything he dreamed of. You are his mini-me. When I was growing up, I assumed that I would have a girl (since I loved all the girly stuff like dolls and dress-up!) But how quickly my mind changed when I learned your gender. I immediately started thinking about trucks and Batman and everything else boy-driven. You were the little boy I never realized I wanted! Now my world is full of dirt and trucks and grunts and burps... and I love it! It's also filled with sweet kisses, hugs and loving touches.

You are such an amazing little boy! Sometimes I sit back and look at you and wonder how I gave birth to such a cool human being. You are such a kind soul. When we read books together, you give kisses to every animal and baby you find on the pages. I didn't teach you that. That is you in your purest form. I love watching how reflective you can be. When someone first meets you, you come off as being shy. But I know you're not. You just have to take in every new situation and surrounding. You drink it in and then you dive in head first!

I have so many things I want to teach to you but thankfully we have years ahead of us so here are just a few... For each month I've been blessed to know you:

1. Dance. Dance whenever you hear music. Dance when there is nothing to dance about. Music got me through the long days as a new Mom. When you wanted nothing else but to be held, we would sway to music and look out the window for your Daddy to arrive home from work. Now it brings me so much joy to see you bounce around to everything from Flo Rida to Alan Jackson. You have music in your heart sweet boy, never let it go.

 2. Give yourself to a cause. Find something that you care about. Move mountains and make a difference. Make the world a better place.

3. Be kind to animals. If you are kind to animals, they will be kind in return. Respect their strength and power and show them love. You will never meet a more loyal companion that a well-loved pet.

4. Have faith. Have faith in God, have faith in family, have faith in yourself. When life is hard, have faith that everything will work out. It always does.

5. Learn to cook. There will be a time in your life that you will be left to your own devices. Don't survive on soba and fast food. Learn to cook real meals. You will be thankful one day and your spouse will be too!

6. Play a sport... or don't. Your Daddy would like nothing more than for you to take after him and play baseball, football or basketball. That's awesome if you follow in his footsteps. (God knows you won't be inheriting any athleticism from your Mommy.) And if you choose to go an entirely different route, such as art or music.. that's awesome too. Or you can do both! Just know that whatever you choose to do, we will be proud of you.

 

7. Love with all your heart. If I learned anything from your Grandparents, it was to give yourself freely and fully in the name of love. I hope you will learn the same after watching your Daddy and I.

8. Laugh. Laugh until it hurts! Don't take life too seriously. We are only here for so long on this planet so enjoy every moment you can! Laugh at yourself, laugh at stupid jokes, and laugh at every situation (except funerals, please don't laugh during a funeral.)

9. Work for tomorrow but live for today. Work hard for what you want but don't forget why you were put on this earth. Make sure you enjoy your time here no matter what your future goals are. Save some money for a rainy day or for your dream home. But please blow some of that hard earned dough on meaningless crap! ... Because probably at the time it doesn't feel meaningless and that's all that matters. 

10. You are no better than anyone else and no one is better than you. Always give respect to those around you and expect the same in return. I don't care if you become a valet driver, a waiter, a surgeon or the President of the United States. All I care about is that you are respectful and kind to all walks of life. Do me proud kiddo.

11. Never forget family. Your family (especially ours) will drive you crazy! They are loud, they are opinionated and strong willed. But they love you. Friends and jobs will come and go in your lives. But your family will always be here. So show up to the family reunions, weddings, funerals and birthday parties.

12. Don't even try to understand how much I love you. You'll never know until you have a child of your own. Just know that when I'm following your school bus to school, giving you kisses in public places, crying at graduations and your wedding... it's because I love you more than I can ever explain in this letter. You are my world, my everything. Happy birthday my darling boy.

 

Today did not go as planned...

Today did not go as planned. Today was Mason's first birthday. When I heard him wake up, I knew I would walk into his room singing "Happy Birthday". I did that. I knew I would end the day in tears, reminiscing over my growing little boy. I did end my day in tears... but not for the reason I thought I would.

I planned on spending my whole day being Super Mom. I was going to try harder than I ever had before. If I didn't, Mason might not know how much I love him, right?!? I went into his room upon him awakening and sang "Happy Birthday". I was welcomed by a smiling boy reaching up for me! We did the usual diaper change and went out to the kitchen for breakfast. And so began our day. Breakfast has become a fight. Who wants to sit still long enough to fill our bellies? After what seemed like forever of me trying to coax my son to eat, I finally gave up and started "playtime". We played with all of his new toys that he got a few days ago at his birthday party until his Daddy rolled out of bed. IN WALKS THE ROCKSTAR! As soon as Mason spots him, Mommy is immediately forgotten about. He worships his Daddy. I guess I can't blame him. I married a pretty cool guy that has turned into a pretty cool Dad. And when I get teased by well meaning family members about how I have a Daddy's Boy, I laugh it off and say "can you blame him?" But the truth is, it hurts.

It hurts that I try so hard to be the apple in Mason's eye, and I seem to fall short. The rational side of myself knows the same thing that I'm sure my Mom knew. We are the ones that are with them day in and day out. We are the ones that give most of the baths, feed most of the meals, play most of the time. We are there...  all.the.time. As much as our little ones love us, we are "old news". They drink in all the Daddy-Time they can because they know we will be there when the day is done. That is what the rational side of me would say. But sometimes I get so tired, I forget to be rational.

My husband and I chose to have our vacation around Mason's birthday so we could spend tons of family time together. We had lunch together,and then spent the beautiful afternoon at the lake splashing around and picking up rocks and blades of grass. It was perfect. Between the naps and quality time outside, before I knew it the day was almost over. As my Dad was cooking dinner for us, Mason and I were playing on the floor in his new tent. We were both in there, being goofy and throwing balloons at each other. As I tickled him and heard his beautiful laugh, I thought to myself: this is perfect. And then the unexpected happened. As I was chasing him across the kitchen floor, I accidentally nudged him too hard and he took a nosedive into the linoleum. There was a moment of complete silence as my whole household froze and then the screaming began. I scooped up my poor sad boy and hugged him close. Don't worry, Mommy is here.  And after a few seconds of me rocking him in my arms, he spotted his Daddy and pushed away from me. He crawled over to him, sobbing hysterically until he reached his destination. Don't worry, Daddy's got you. And then my tears arrived.

As my husband sat on the floor holding my crying son, I began crying myself. In that moment, I was reminded that Daddy was #1. I was just the woman that pushed her son's face into the linoleum. It didn't matter that I cut out pasta, bread and ice cream for the last half of the my pregnancy due to gestational diabetes...It didn't matter that I spend every waking moment worrying about his well being, making his baby food from scratch or playing with him on the floor. At that moment, I felt like a failure. On the day of my son's first birthday, I sat on the kitchen floor sobbing like a child because I felt like I had failed at the one job that I care about in life.

The title of my blog is "Laughing My Way Through Mommyland"... Sometimes life is too hard to laugh. Sometimes you just have to cry a little bit. I cried because that's how much I truly love my son and care about our bond. But what I learned last night, was being a Mom isn't about how I feel sometimes. It isn't about how I thought parenthood would be. It's about Mason and what he needs. At that moment, he needed more than his Mom's embrace to make him feel better. He needed his Daddy and that's okay. So that's when I sucked it up. I excused myself and cried for a couple more minutes and then got over it. I had dinner with my family and continued to play with my son as if nothing had ever happened. Because he had already forgotten about his stumble and I should forget about mine.

So today did not go completely as planned. But it was a good day. My sweet boy awoke happy and went to sleep just as happy. I didn't sit down and write a letter to my "1-year-old" as I thought I would that night. My mind was elsewhere. I wrote this instead which, in the moment, I needed more. I will still write my love letter to him but he may be 1-year-and-3-days-old. That's okay. Parenthood is about bending and sometimes giving into the perfect image that we think we need to have. I've learned that tonight.

So now, my imperfect day is over. When Mason gave me his goodnight kisses in the darkness of his room, nothing else mattered in that moment. Our love spoke volumes.

Can You Dig It?!? My Baby is Turning One!

Wow. Had to believe that Mason's first birthday party was today. Thank goodness his actually birthday is a couple days away, otherwise I'd be a sobbing mess right now! It feels like just yesterday that Mason was a 4-week-old, sleeping on my chest, as I combed Pinterest for birthday party ideas. (Yes, I was the crazy mama who started planning that early and yes, I'm already thinking about next year!)

I chose a 'construction theme' mostly because it was a cute compromise between the "baby themes" that I loved and the "rough and tough big boy themes" that my husband pushed for. Little did we know that as Mason grew into his own personality, he would discover his love for trucks and tools! (One of his fave toys to haul around is a plastic saw).

Seriously, how cute can one baby be?!?

The great part of planning a party so far in advance, is there was little to no stress in getting everything together. I purchased all of the plates, forks, cups and napkins at Dollar Tree so I think I spent $9.00 total. I made a lot of the decorations myself but also scored $10.00 worth of construction themed birthday decorations (7 pieces) from a Kids Party Swap group on Facebook. (I seriously love the genius mama who came up with the idea of swapping used party decorations to save some dough!) My husband's place of business lent us some caution tape and safety cones (FREE STUFF IS THE BEST!) and I washed up some of Mason's toy trucks and incorporated them into the decorations.

Since Mason was born, I've always taken monthly photos of him to catalog his growth. On one of our glass doors, I posted each month. It was fun to look back at the different months!

I "borrowed" some ideas from Pinterest and renamed a lot of the food I was serving. Carrots turned into traffic cones, onion dip turned into cement, pretzels turned into support beams and grapes turned into wrecking balls. 

 

My favorite part of the party planning was designing his cake! I'm not exactly known as a domestic goddess in my family so everyone was a bit shocked to hear that I made it myself (and by "make" I mean used box cake mix). But I did make my own frosting and decorate it myself! I scored a few tiny tonka trucks on sale at Target months ago and they were perfect for the cake's "construction scene". I also made tiny traffic signs out of card stock and toothpicks. Everything else was edible.

Taddddaaaaaaaaaaa!!!

As much fun as the planning was, it was even more fun to celebrate! I was so proud of Mason for missing out on one of his naps and still partying like a 1-year-old rock star! He laughed and clapped when we sang Happy Birthday and tore into his presents like nobody's business! There were minor "bumps in the road" when Mason decided to bite off a piece of his plastic fork and I almost did the Heimlich on him and another "bump" when Daddy went to do a diaper change and Mason peed all over the both of them... but those will be funny tales to write in his baby book someday. It was a perfect day and I wouldn't change a thing! 

Breastfeeding Schmeastfeeding

It's hard not to live in regret. Especially when trying to win the "Mother Of The Year" award. But I regret breastfeeding... or the ridiculous attempt I made at breastfeeding.

Like most Moms, I had a plan to how I would raise my son. And that of course started with breastfeeding. Breastfeeding made sense. I was breastfed, it was the best nutritional choice for my son, it would help me with losing my baby weight, it was cost effective, it was convenient. It was a no-brainer. As I prepared for my little bundle to arrive, I read everything there was to read about breastfeeding. I sat through a 3 hour class taught by a lactation consultant. All the information pointed to the same conclusion: Anyone can breastfeed.

Mason was born via emergency c-section however he was a healthy little boy right from the start. As soon I was wheeled into the Recovery Room, Mason was brought to me so we could start breastfeeding. Right from the get go, we had latching issues. The lactation consultant told me not to worry, sometimes c-section babies take longer to get the hang of it because they're so sleepy. Before long, I was taken to my room and Mason and I were reunited. We made sure everyone knew that we wanted to breastfeed so no one would try to give him a pacifier or bottle. Every hour to 2 hours, when Mason would awaken, we would attempt. I was patient and hopeful. I talked and sang to him to keep him awake (he would fall back asleep as soon as he latched), I tried every position imaginable... nothing worked. It was then suggested that I start pumping after every failed attempt and to feed Mason via syringe. I could only pump an ounce at the time but it worked! After a couple of days of this cycle and one scary moment of Mason becoming dehydrated, we said enough was enough, give him formula! I hadn't given up breastfeeding at this point but I was done with listening to the lactation consultant telling me "You will make enough milk for your son, it's the most natural thing a mother can do." All I knew was my son was hungry and I was going to feed him! We went home from the hospital, stocked with the "best of the best" breast pump (that's sort of a tongue twister) and enough formula to last us until Armageddon. After a couple weeks of what seemed like torture for my son, I finally threw in the hat for breastfeeding. I did not however give up on pumping! I had read time and time again about women who had exclusively pumped for up to a year and I was convinced I could do it too!

LIQUID GOLD!!!

And so began my first frustrating and infuriating time as a Mom. In all my spare time (instead of getting some much needed daytime zzzzz's) I researched ways to boost milk supply. I sat in a steaming hot shower (in August mind you) trying to self express my milk. I sprinkled captain crunch in truckloads worth of oatmeal so I could choke down the horrible consistency. I drank water like a camel and made disgusting Fenugreek tea (which ended up giving me a 3 day migraine). I power pumped atleast twice a day which meant I would pump for 15 minutes every 10 minutes for a 2 hour time period. I would set my alarm so I could get an extra session in, in the middle of the night. The straw that broke the VERY TIRED camel's back was when I had my OB prescribe me Reglan. What was usually prescribed as a nausea medicine, has also shown to promote lactation. I could only be on it for a 2 week time period because any longer than that, I was at risk for anxiety and depression (just what a new mother needs!) It worked MARVELOUSLY (boosting my supply from 10 oz a day to 25 oz) however it left me feeling so sleepy, I felt like I couldn't even keep my eyes open during the day. I even had to call my husband home from work one day because I didn't feel safe taking care of our son. And then that broken straw appeared. The day after I finished my 2 week Reglan "experience", my milk supply dwindled to 2 oz! I was so upset! My husband told me enough was enough when I started researching Canadian alternatives to Reglan (that were not yet FDA approved).

When my son was 4 months old, I finally waved my white flag to pumping. Even though I knew in my heart that I had tried everything, I still felt like a failure as a Mom, woman and wife. Why did others have such an easy time with breastfeeding and I failed so miserably??? Besides sadness, the other feeling I felt was anger. I felt like my son and I were robbed of 4 months worth of bonding time because I was constantly obsessing about milk production. While he was contently napping on my chest, I was balancing my Netbook on the recliner, scanning through breastfeeding blogs. While he was playing under his activity gym, I was power pumping and comparing how many oz of milk I had produced that day versus the day before. I felt like I screwed up our first precious moments together as a little family because I could not calm my mind!

If I have another baby, I will in fact try to breastfeed again. And if that doesn't work, I will try to pump. But I will not kill myself over it if it doesn't work out. When we are walking through the grocery store, we don't look at the adorable baby in the next aisle and think "Awww, I'm sure he was breastfed!" Or when a kid trips and falls at the playground, your first thought isn't "Oh, I'm sure he was formula fed!" IT DOESN'T MATTER. All that matters is that they are a healthy, thriving child.

BREAST MILK: Does a body good!

FORMULA: Does a body just as good!

So to all the Moms out there that exclusively breastfeed: You rock!

To all the Moms who use formula: You're just as fabulous!

And to any Mom somewhere in the middle: Keep up the good work. We're all moms of the year!

Dear 11 Month Old Mason

Dearest Mason,
Tonight I rocked you a little bit longer than usual before I put you in your crib. As I gave you your bedtime bottle (something you just started calling "bubble" today) I took mental snapshots of my little boy. I watched you stretch your arms and fingers out into the darkness, reaching for my lips and nose. I noticed how you lay across my entire lap so relaxed. It seems like just yesterday that you fit into the crook of my arm. I know our days are numbered where you will fall asleep in my arms. It's more common nowadays that you have your milk, and then smile and chatter at me while I wrestle a burp out of you. We had a long day today, so I wasn't surprised that you fell asleep mid bottle. I was on my way to laying you down to sleep when I stopped myself. I wondered if this would be the last time you would fall asleep in the darkness with me. The last "routine" bedtime bottle. I decided to sit back down with your tiny arms wrapped around my neck and rock with you a bit longer. A couple tears rolled down my cheek as I hugged you close. How did we get here so quickly? How is it possible that you are going to be 11 months old in just a couple of days?

One of the many "sleeping baby pictures" that I have taken of you!

 I feel like I am just figuring out motherhood and now you almost done being a baby! I'm already seeing glimpses of a toddler in you as you maneuver through your day. It makes me sad but mostly excited for what our future brings! You are such a cool little boy! You love to give your Mommy and Daddy hugs and kisses (even though the kisses tend to look like you are trying to eat our face!) You are very studious; I love how you always flip your toys over "to see how they work". Maybe someday you'll be an Engineer. You love to be tickled and thrown up in the air. You scream with joy when I pretend to almost drop you. I can picture us riding roller coasters together some day! You are full of energy and happiness! You have start shaking your head "no" at things and when I tell you "yes", you get a big goofy smile on  your face. It's so hard to be serious with you when you give me that grin! I see your father in you so much when you smile. My heart melts when you say "Muma" or "Dada". And just this week, you started saying "hi" and "bye bye". I love that we taught you that! When you learn new things daily, it reminds me that I'm doing something right. Thank you. Thank you for teaching me that I'm a good Mom.

"No more pictures Mum!"

Paint!

I wish I knew what you were thinking here!

Before you were born, I promised myself that I would revel in each moment of your life. I am so proud that I have kept my word. I've taken in each milestone you've hit, filling your baby book with dates and pictures. As sad as I am that your "baby life" is slipping away from me, I know that I have indulged in every waking moment; never taking your precious life for granted! I  hope that when you read this, you will see how much I truly love you. You will overlook all my crazy Mom moments and just know that everything I did was for your health and happiness.

You are my world, you are my everything. I love you my baby boy.